I am officially registered for surgery on this coming Thursday.  All I can say is... crap. This is scary. This is very scary.  I know it's probably not a big deal, but I just can't help but think of the thousand little things that could wrong.  I feel like this is more of a test of my faith than anything else, and I'm barely passing it with a C and about to drop out with a WP. :(  Seriously, I'm freaking out.

I really, really hope that everything goes well, and that I will finally be pain-free.  This hand is killing me, so I really want to get surgery done and over with, even if the mere idea of having it scares me to death.  Well, I guess it's time to take a deep breath and trust that God will guide Dr. Condit's hands.

Gabriel out.

OK, so here is how it is.  I bent my wrist backwards last year when I went backpacking at the Nordhouse Dunes in Manistee National Forest (Michigan, USA).  Painful as it was, I still had a few more miles to cover, so I sucked it up and just kept on going... with my walking stick of course.  Three days later, I was in excrutiating pain and couldn't move my hand much, so I went to the doctor. I wore a wrist brace, then went to physical therapy, made my work station ergonomic, did lots of hand excercises, tried ultrasounds and even a steroid patch (which caused an allergic reaction by the way), went back to the wrist brace, and overall... didn't get much better.  I could move my hand a bit more, but it kept getting inflammated.  To date, it still hurts after just a few minutes of typing, driving, or when gripping/lifting anything.  Heck, some times my wrist, hand or fingers (or all) just start hurting out of nowhere.

So, January comes and I go to a hand specialist who sends me on my way to a very painful contrast MRI. Then, finally, after months of suffering, the reason for my pain and discomfort is black and clear (it's a black dye): some type of clog under my tendons, and some ligament tears.  The recommended course of action: surgery.  Of course. Go figure. Why not. What the heck. I'm in pain. I've already tried everything, plus not correcting this problem will certainly cause arthritis in the near future.  So why not, right?  That's what I thought, so now I'm scheduled for surgery in just two weeks.

So what's the big deal?  Well, here is the kicker.  The tendons problem -- sure, that's an easy fix, according to the doc.  Just poke two holes, and insert a scope in one to look around and a tool on the other to fix the problem.  No biggy. I'll be OK in 3 days.  Full recovery might take 3 months with therapy, but at least I can kind of use my hand.  While the scope is in my wrist, however, the doc will check the ligaments on my carpal bones to see what's up with them.  If they're in pretty bad shape, then he'll open me up and work his magic.  His painful magic. His pin magic.  That's right -- pins.  He'll have to stick some pins and keep them there for a couple of weeks, then I'll come back for a cast.  All right, so it's not the actual surgery that I'm worried about -- it's the pins!  It's the freaking pins, man!  What if I go home and I'm changing my shirt and a pin gets caught in the shirt? Ouch!  They almost sound like a hack job on an enterprise application.  Frack no! I don't want that!

I know what you're thinking -- big baby.  All right. Maybe. OK, I can admit to that.  I guess I am being a big baby.  A procedure with a success rate over 95% is probably not such a big deal.  No worries. Hakuna Matata.  But wait -- if I do end with pins and a cast, I won't be able to use my hand to do almost anything for 6 weeks.  That worries me more than the pins themselves!  Did I mention that I'm right-handed, and that this surgery will be on my right hand?  Exactly.  That's what I though.  Now, you can understand my worries.  Let's say I go home with pins and a cast and whatever... then what? I'll have to use my left hand to change, cook, shower, brush my teeth, drive, type, wipe my, you know... you name it.  Hacks in a globe.  Freaking hacks man (programmer humor).  I have already been using my left hand more and more since my injury, so I can do things like eating and using the mouse a bit better.  But now, I'm talking about doing everything, absolutely everything with my left hand... whlie my other hand is in

even more excruciating pain than ever before.  O yeah, did I mention that because of liver issues, I can't take that much pain medication? Sounds like fun, eh?  Yep, what a smooth recovery this ought to be.

So yeah, that's how it is.  Meanwhile, I have to finish a bunch of projects at work and also worry about an admissions interview at Purdue University.  At least I have the pleasure of having been accepted to Calvin College last week... now let's see how it goes with Purdue.  I hope that it will go well, regardless of what post-op worries are on my mind during tomorrow's interview. Frack. Freaking pins.

I know this is random.  I know this is strange.  I know most of you don't know me.  And this, this is something I can't explain.  But I can't sit back and watch, I can't sit back and glaze over the news of the devastation in Haiti and everywhere else.  I can't help but think that all those children, all those children around here and out there, are suffering while I sit on my couch, in front of my computer, quite comfortably, in a nice, warm house.  I need to do something.  I have to do good.  I need to help all those children and you, you can help too.

I know you don't know me.  I know how unorthodox this is, but please help me raise $100,000 US dollars for the emergency relief efforts of UNICEF.  Even one dollar will go a long way.  Right now, 100% of what you give will go directly to help relieve the pain that children in Haiti are feeling after the devastating January 12 earthquake.  Please help if you can, or help me find those with the means to help.  Please ask people to help UNICEF, because they are Haiti's children's only hope.

Please help me raise $100,000 for UNICEF.

http://oakpages.com/unicef

Watch the movie at:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coR9buq3bew

Dear Friends and Family,

    Our thoughts and prayers are with the millions of victims of the 7.0-magnitude earthquake that on January 12 devastated Haiti.  The death toll is reaching the hundreds of thousands, while the suffering of our brothers and sisters in Haiti is probably only starting.  Several humanitarian organizations are already in Haiti providing food, water, shelter, man power, rescues, flights, communications, prayers, a helping hand and a shoulder to lean on.  They need our help to continue their emergency relief efforts.

     Please let us help the victims of this disaster by praying for and donating to the many organizations whose members are risking their lives on the ground right now to help those in need.  Please find below a list of these organizations and ways to help.  Any donations, however small, will help save lives.  For more information, please visit http://oakpages.com/haiti.

Let us pray for our brothers and sisters in Haiti.  Together, we are one world.  Alone, we are but dust in the air.

Gabriel Monge-Franco
President, OakPages.com
http://gabriel.mongefranco.com
http://oakpages.com

Donate via text message:
Text "HAITI" to "90999" to donate $10 on behalf of the American Red Cross.
Text "HAITI" to "25383" to donate $5 on behalf of the International Rescue Committee.

Donate your change:
Donate your change through a Coinstar (www.coinstar.com) machine in your local supermarket.

Donate online, by phone or by mail:

CARE
1-800-422-7385
info@care.org
https://my.care.org/site/Donation2?5000.donation=form1&df_id=5000
CARE
151 Ellis St NE
Atlanta, GA 30303-2440

Cross International
1-800-391-8545
donorservice@crossinternational.org
https://asoft156.securesites.net/secure/crossintl/index.php?src=forms&ref=Haiti+Earthquake+2010+Disaster+Relief+&id=Haiti+Earthquake+2010+Disaster+Relief+
Cross International
600 SW Third Street, Suite 2201
Pompano Beach, FL 33060

Doctors Without Borders
1-888-392-0392
donations@newyork.msf.org
http://doctorswithoutborders.org/donate/
Doctors Without Borders USA
PO Box 5030
Hagerstown, MD 21741

Habitat for Humanity
1-800-HABITAT
info@habitat.org
https://www.habitat.org/cd/giving/donate.aspx?link=227
Habitat for Humanity International
121 Habitat Street
Americus, GA 31709-3498 USA

International Rescue Committee
1-877-REFUGEE
fundraising@theIRC.org
https://www.theirc.org/donate/donate-now-haiti
International Rescue Committee
122 East 42nd Street
New York, NY 10168 USA

Mercy Corps
1-888-256-1900
info@mercycorps.org
http://www.mercycorps.org/charityweb.php?DonorIntent=Haiti+Earthquake
Mercy Corps
Dept W
PO Box 2669
Portland OR 97208-2669

Pan American Development Foundation
1-877-572-4484
padf-dc@padf.org
https://padf.orchidsuites.net/sites/panamericanrelief.org/ht/d/MakeDonation/pid/610
1889 "F" Street N.W., 2nd Floor
Washington, D.C. 20006

Red Cross
1-800-REDCROSS
http://american.redcross.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection
info@usa.redcross.org
American Red Cross National Headquarters
2025 E Street, NW
Washington, DC 20006

Remote Area Medical
1-877-5RAMUSA
ram@ramusa.org
http://www.ramusa.org/contactus/donate.htm
Remote Area Medical Foundation
1834 Beech Street
Knoxville, TN 37920

Telecoms Sans Frontieres
1-202-730-1352
contact@tsfi.org
http://www.tsfi.org/en/action/donateonline
19, rue Jean-Baptiste Carreau 64 000
Pau, France

UNICEF
1-800-4UNICEF
volunteer@unicefusa.org
https://secure.unicefusa.org/site/Donation2?df_id=6680&6680.donation=form1 (Haiti)
http://inside.unicefusa.org/goto/gabrielinux (General)
U.S. Fund for UNICEF
125 Maiden Lane
New York, NY  10038

Querida Familia y Amigos,

     Nuestras oraciones y pensamientos se encuentran con los millones de victimas del terremoto de magnitud 7.0 que devastó a Haiti el 12 de Enero.  La cuenta de muertes esta llegando a los cientos de miles, mientras el sufrimiento de nuestros hermanos y hermanas en Haiti probablemente solo esta comenzando.  Muchas organizaciones humanitarias ya estan en Haiti proveendo comida, agua, abrigo, mano de obra, rescates, vuelos, comunicaciones, oraciones, una mano de ayuda y un hombro en que recostarse.  Estas necesitan nuestra ayuda para continuar sus esfuerzos de relevación.

     Por favor ayudemos a las victimas de este desastre por medio de oración y donaciones para la muchas organizaciones cuyos miembros estan arriesgando sus vidas ahora mismo para ayudar aquellos en necesidad.  Por favor vea la lista de estas organizaciones a continuación, asi como formas de ayudar.  Cualquier donación, sin importar que tan pequeña, ayudará a salvar vidas.  Para mayor información, por favor visiten http://oakpages.com/haiti.

Oremos por nuestros hermanos y hermanas en Haiti.  Juntos, somos un mundo.  Solos, no somos más que polvo en el aire.

Gabriel Monge-Franco
President, OakPages.com
http://gabriel.mongefranco.com
http://oakpages.com

Done por mensaje de texto:
Envie "HAITI" al "90999" para donar $10 en nombre de la Cruz Roja Americana.
Envie "HAITI" al "25383" para donar $5 en nombre del Comité Internacional de Rescate.

Done su cambio:
Done su cambio en cualquier maquina Coinstar (www.coinstar.com) en su super mercado local.

Done en línea, por teléfono or por correo:

CARE
1-800-422-7385
info@care.org
https://my.care.org/site/Donation2?5000.donation=form1&df_id=5000
CARE
151 Ellis St NE
Atlanta, GA 30303-2440

Cross International
1-800-391-8545
donorservice@crossinternational.org
https://asoft156.securesites.net/secure/crossintl/index.php?src=forms&ref=Haiti+Earthquake+2010+Disaster+Relief+&id=Haiti+Earthquake+2010+Disaster+Relief+
Cross International
600 SW Third Street, Suite 2201
Pompano Beach, FL 33060

Doctors Without Borders
1-888-392-0392
donations@newyork.msf.org
http://doctorswithoutborders.org/donate/
Doctors Without Borders USA
PO Box 5030
Hagerstown, MD 21741

Habitat for Humanity
1-800-HABITAT
info@habitat.org
https://www.habitat.org/cd/giving/donate.aspx?link=227
Habitat for Humanity International
121 Habitat Street
Americus, GA 31709-3498 USA

International Rescue Committee
1-877-REFUGEE
fundraising@theIRC.org
https://www.theirc.org/donate/donate-now-haiti
International Rescue Committee
122 East 42nd Street
New York, NY 10168 USA

Mercy Corps
1-888-256-1900
info@mercycorps.org
http://www.mercycorps.org/charityweb.php?DonorIntent=Haiti+Earthquake
Mercy Corps
Dept W
PO Box 2669
Portland OR 97208-2669

Pan American Development Foundation
1-877-572-4484
padf-dc@padf.org
https://padf.orchidsuites.net/sites/panamericanrelief.org/ht/d/MakeDonation/pid/610
1889 "F" Street N.W., 2nd Floor
Washington, D.C. 20006

Red Cross
1-800-REDCROSS
http://american.redcross.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main&s_subsrc=RCO_ResponseStateSection
info@usa.redcross.org
American Red Cross National Headquarters
2025 E Street, NW
Washington, DC 20006

Remote Area Medical
1-877-5RAMUSA
ram@ramusa.org
http://www.ramusa.org/contactus/donate.htm
Remote Area Medical Foundation
1834 Beech Street
Knoxville, TN 37920

Telecoms Sans Frontieres
1-202-730-1352
contact@tsfi.org
http://www.tsfi.org/en/action/donateonline
19, rue Jean-Baptiste Carreau 64 000
Pau, France

UNICEF
1-800-4UNICEF
volunteer@unicefusa.org
https://secure.unicefusa.org/site/Donation2?df_id=6680&6680.donation=form1 (Haiti)
http://inside.unicefusa.org/goto/gabrielinux (General)
U.S. Fund for UNICEF
125 Maiden Lane
New York, NY  10038

All right folks, so I'm back from Guatemala!  It was fun, and it was really great to see my family again.  It was the first time in many, many years that we could take a picture of the whole family together.  Well, anyway, here the highlights of my heck-of-a-trip:

• I went to El Baul, a mountain in Xela (Quetzaltenango) that overlooks the whole city.  I hadn't been there in over 10 years.  It still looked the same -- with lots of local tourists, but little to no maintenance.  The only difference is that now you have to pay for entrance.   Where that money goes, however, is beyond me.  Anyway, it was fun to spend the morning there with my nephews and nieces.
• I visited San Marcos, Totonicapan, El Eden (a village of Palestina de los Altos), San Juan and other places near Xela.  There was a small picnic area on the way to San Marcos that overlooks several mountains and volcanoes, as well as the west side of Xela with all its surrounding towns and municipalities.  I got some cool pictures there!
• I climbed a mountain (well, drove most of the way) to reach Laguna de Chicabal (not sure how to spell it).  It's a beautiful lagoon situated on the crater of an inactive volcano.  The beauty of this place is indescribable -- it's like being in an enchanted place where the heavens descend upon the small lake on the afternoon while surrounding the forest in Mayan magic.  There are Mayan altars all around the lake (in 20 positions, one for each month of the Mayan calendar year).  The way back is a bit tough, with 575+ stairs to climb!  Anyway, I have some amazing and even creepy pictures of this place!  It's located near San Martin Chileverde, about 40 minutes from Xela.
• I also went to an attractions park near El Palmar that, to my surprise, was kind of empty.  I guess not many people go there over the holidays, which is great.  That meant no lines!!!  I rode this weird thing that puts you upside down 20 times.  Then I rode it again with my sister, then again with my nieces and nephews. :)  It was so awesome!  Anyway, after about 10 rides, we had to take a break to allow our stomachs to recover.... and we did so by going to a really cool magic show after lunch.  This magician guy was pretty good.  He made a motorcycle disappear and reappear somewhere else instantly (while he was riding it).  He also shrunk a lady in a very weird way, and made snow from his hands.  It was wicked!
• During Christmas (and after New Years), I visited a couple of hospitals with my nephews and nieces to bring gifts, food and a little bit of fun to the patients and their families.  We even found a couple of clowns and hired them to come along!  It was an interesting experience -- especially seen the faces of gratitude and happiness on people who were in extreme need.
• Let's see... I also went to the Pacific Ocean.  I spent a day with my family in a beach near Tiquisate.  I think it was called Tecojate.  The cool thing about this place is that we had to cross a huge river by canoe in order to reach the beach.  On the way back, the guy overloaded the canoe with so many people that we were starting to sink!  It was pretty scary... and fun!  Later on, my grandfather told us that the river was actually pretty shallow. :)

Anyway, besides all the fun and the great food, I think the best part was spending time with my family.  I spent a few days with each of my sisters, my brother, and even my cousins (all of whom live in different parts of the country).  The hardest part, besides getting sick during my last week there, was saying good bye.  I hope I can go back again soon.

If you are a web developer, you may sometimes find the need to store an XHTML color code in a database.  This could be useful, for example, to associate a specific product type with a persistent background color in a search results page.  In order to preserve formatting and to generate valid XHTML/CSS, color codes need to be validated.  There are many ways to do this in code, but if you believe in leaving data constraints to the database management system (DBMS), then you probably want to do this with a column or table constraint or trigger.

Constraints are by far easier to setup than triggers.  They also have the advantage of being part of the data model in a very visible way (so you'll always know they are there).  There are many ways to validate a hex color code.  For instance, one might convert the entire code to integer -- if it converts without problems to a number within a specific range, then it must be a valid hex color code.  One could also process each character individually, ensuring that each character converts to an integer.  A third way would be to validate each character individually, ensuring that it falls under a specific character set (in this case, digits 0-9 and letters A-F).  I have personally found the third method to perform faster when working in Microsoft SQL Server. 
This validation method works as follows:

1) First, ensure that the string has exactly six characters after removing all white spaces.  In this example, HEX_COLOR is the column name.
(LEN(rtrim(ltrim( [HEX_COLOR] )))=6
2) Second, validate that each character is a valid hex character by using a character index as a referrence:
(charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),1,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),1,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16)

This is the complete constraint code for Transact-SQL (MS SQL):

(len(rtrim(ltrim([HEX_COLOR]))) = 6 and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),1,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),1,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16) and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),2,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),2,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16) and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),3,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),3,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16) and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),4,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),4,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16) and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),5,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),5,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16) and (charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),6,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') >= 1 and charindex(substring(upper([HEX_COLOR]),6,1),'0123456789ABCDEF') <= 16))

For Oracle, try using instr2 instead of charindex, and substr2 instead of substring.

Although storing a hex color code may not always be useful, when it is, the value should always be validated before saving it to the database.  The validation may take place at the application level (in the code) or at the database level (via triggers, functions, stored procedures or constraints).  The code presented here checks that a color code is valid via a constraint, which seems to be a fast and easy validation method.

Gosh, I can't even remember when was the last time I played the piano.  It feels like forever in a day.  I missed it -- I really did.  Now, don't ask me why, but I watched A Walk To Remember.  I know, I know, it's a total chick flix, but as it turns out it has a really great song called, "Only Hope."  The scene where Jamie sings this song is quite touchy, specially when the mellow low notes in the piano battle with reverberance her smooth high notes.  The music is fantastic.  You would have to watch the movie to undrestand why it is so good.  So, anyway, I did a quick online search and found the sheet music.  So I went to the basement to unpack and hook up my PSR-2000, and I played.  I finally played the piano, and it felt great!

And so it has come to pass that I've been down in the basement for a couple of hours trying to learn how to play this song.  It's challenging, but everytime I learn a small piece, I can hear Mandy Moore singing along.  I can see the movie in my head, rolling at the pace of my fingers as they hit the keys.  This, exactly this feeling, is precisely what I missed the most about playing the keyboard.  It feels great to play again.

After three long months of searching, I finally found a house that I like.  I bought it today.  It's exciting, isn't it?  I should be excited.  I know I should be excited.  Everyone is congratulating me, as if buying a house were as huge an accomplishment as winning the Nobel prize.  Well, it isn't -- at least not in my mind.  In my mind, a house is nothing but a smart financial decision (no wasting money on rent, plus an $8,000 tax credit).  It is not special, and certainly not an accomplishment.  A house is simply a place to sleep.  It is a basic material necessity, nothing more, and nothing less.  Therefore, I am not as excited as people think I would be.

My own personal lack of a reaction got me thinking: maybe this is how it is supposed to be.  Maybe buying a house should not be so hard or rare that one needs to celebrate it.  Maybe, just maybe, owning a house should be so common and so easy that there would be nothing special about it.  After all, it is just a place to sleep.  Maybe shelter is, in fact, a basic human right.  And if it is, that means we are doing an aweful job at protecting this right, as is demonstrated by all the excitement that surrounds the purchase of a home.  Or maybe that's just me.  Maybe I am just not feeling it.  Maybe I am just not feeling anything.  Perhaps I have, after all these years, stopped feeling anything at all.  Either way, all I can say is that I am grateful to God that I have a house -- but a house is still just something material, so it is nothing to be excited about.

It is a normal Saturday at the salon -- a few customers are waiting for a haircut, while others are getting a shampoo.  The place smells like hair, and melon, and kiwi-strawberry, and money, but mostly hair.  The stylists are making small talk using the latest gossip on celebrities in TV.  The hair dryers are blowing, and the scissors are cutting away bits of hair while the cash register rings in bills and credit cards.  The customers stare delighted at the looks of the professional models in the magazines at their disposal, wishing they could look the same.  Suddenly, someone breaks the almost musical rhythm by yelling, "Oh crap! It's raining!"  She rushes outside with a towel to cover her new baby, a model-of-the-year more-expensive-than-her-expensive-condo automobile.  She does not want the paint to wear off just yet.  She does not want her shinny new car to suffer.  Everyone here understands -- after all, it must be expensive.

It is yet another weekend at the dollar store on Leonard.  The shelves are stocked with useless items so cheap that by simple math they seem almost necessary.  Customers are lined up at the register, waiting to see not how good a deal they will get but rather how much money dollar store items will drain out of their already dry wallets.  These are tough times, and if buying smaller quantities in even smaller quality can help save a quarter, then, well, that must be a good deal, right?  The shopping carts move around the store like rush-hour 28th-street traffic.  As soon as the tempest is sound and water starts free-falling, customers start rushing out to their cars with their plastic bags full of plastic, carrying a leather wallet with thinner paper and lesser plastic.

It is prayer day, and a day for another sermon at the gigantic ceremonial building.  People gather in to sing, and to cry, and to enjoy, and to fake a smile, and to listen to the only correct interpretation of the biblical collection that is guaranteed to send them straight to heaven.  Although they may not love their God and may not love their neighbor outside, in here, they are in a safe haven where their love pours out, and spreads like crazy, and shines in glory and what not.  Here, their hearts give glory in the form of paper and metal with no taxable value, deposited and later transformed into a bigger building that money can be poured into.  Of course, it also transforms into eternal free housing, cars and stipends for a family of holy brats and a perfect pastor who never errs.  Together, as it starts to pour outside on Leonard, the church members sing and dwell in their internal glory, protected by their own echo inside of the beautiful concrete arrangements.

Outside, it is not just another day for Paul.  Today is a rainy day, so he is forced to setup camp on a piece of carton just outside of the shopping area.  One side of his cardboard reads, "Will work for food."  The other is merely his chair.  He did not eat this morning, and is probably not going to have lunch either.  Paul's gray beard and darker complexion do nothing to hide neither the tiredness in his eyes nor the growling of his stomach.  He has no home, no family, no food, and only a failing, supposedly non-profit system to somewhat help him every now and then.  He is tired.  He is suffering.  He is vulnerable.  Yet, no one understands.  No one understands how he could be homeless, and how he could still be homeless.  Some people stare at him for a few seconds as they walk out of the salon, and the dollar store, and the church on Leonard, but they quickly look away and forget him.  Some others are too busy trying to stay dry to even notice him.  So, he sits there, waiting for the rain to pass, so he can go search for food, or work, or hope, the same hope, perhaps, that he seems to have lost a year ago when he lost everything.  He and his cardboard sign/chair just sit there forgotten, staring at the rain out on Leonard.  A fellow walks by and gives him everything in his pocket. He never even learns his name, and feels guilty to just drive away.  He calls him Paul in his head.  "What will Paul do with just that much money?" He wonders, as he drives off, hoping that maybe Paul will at least stay dry and then buy lunch.  The coward fellow runs home to hide from the guilt of not doing more for Paul.  Quite honestly, though, he does not know what else he could have done.